Asthma.. the enemy.

When you are young you don't really put much emphasis on death but rather whats happening in that week or current events and the such. There was one real definitive time i thought i would collapse of exhaustion and die. This time in my life i was in sixth grade and being yet even more young and reckless here is how my brush with death happened over a couple of days.

I remember it being cold out and me having a slight cough (enough to actually take halls) but otherwise i thought i was fine. I definitely made the unfortunate mistake of having menthol/eucalyptus flavored halls that day. When i ran up the steps (about 3 flights) full bore after the morning assembly, by the time i reached the top i was out of breath. I inhaled deeply but perhaps too much as i was rapidly running out of air and panicking... yes i induced and asthma attack something that i did not know that i could get. I laid down in the nurses office with even the most minimal of effort would draw all the breath out of me. Of course being a school nurse all she had to remedy things were band aids and robotussin.... yes i'm serious.

As i awaited my mother to pick me up from school i couldn't help but feel vulnerable, this was a recurring theme while i had asthma. I remember for a couple of days i took a leave from school as i just didn't have the energy or force of will to go to school (not just a BS excuse to skip class mind you). It was Halloween and everybody but me was outside trick or treating, i remember being so feeble i could barely eat soup by myself.

Thats were i truly hit a low point in my young life the feeling of being helpless is something that i have always hated. I always saw myself as someone that could be depended on but never depended on someone. I almost cried into my soup if it wasn't for the fact that it would just induce another asthma/panic attack. I literally felt that i would die right there eating my soup. It might sound a bit melodramatic but if you have ever had an asthma/panic attack you know that it is not joke. Unless you can control your breathing (which is hard because you are trying to draw in breath at a controlled rate) you keep trying to breath in ragged gasps only making the situation worse.

After this ordeal i never had a real asthma attack even if my lungs weren't 100% i had learned how to control my breathing. Ever since that day i have taken a staunch position in never feeling helpless again regardless of any condition. In some cases you can call it being really stubborn (i am a Scorpio after all)but i think self reliance is an important skill most people over look now a days.